Joe Bennett skewers Trump
Joe Bennett’s latest column is a very witty one. In this piece Bennett mocks Trump superbly.
My fellow Americans, I stand before you this evening in this Floridian resort of mine, home to fat white golfers who enjoy the company of fat white golfers, to announce that I have ordered a missile strike on an airbase in Syria that I am not even going to try to pronounce. In order to seem like a president I am standing in front of a velvet curtain and a US flag that my staff have just acquired from Wal-Mart, and I am reading very deliberately from the autocue. But I am finding it hard.
One problem is that the statement is written in sentences. I have no use for sentences. I find it easier to speak in gobbets, pulses of half-baked, second-hand thought, with each gobbet bringing to mind another gobbet, and another and another, like a string of verbal sausages.
But I am also finding it hard because, even though I went to the best schools, I’ve never taken to reading. I prefer television. I particularly like Fox News, which is the only channel to treat me fairly, perhaps because it is owned and staffed by fat white golfers and other sexual predators.